I did have a split second (Or 30 min.) of wondering how we got here. Whenever I try and figure out why my child has a brain tumor I always wind up in a horrible mood afterward. It goes from God, why are we here? To This must be my fault. I should have known. I should have seen the signs. If we caught it sooner would things be different? I had a friend get into a car crash last week and my mind was flying around thoughts of what if. I feel for that family...the young girl is ok however as a mom hearing her story first hand was heart wrenching. It was bazzar also because I found myself wanting to take the pain away for that family. I wanted to take away what she went through. And the only way I got through those thoughts was thinking about the fact that, that situation will not only teach her and mature her, it will also challenge her faith. She will choose to dig deeper and ask God more questions. I found myself doubting my own protection, thinking anything could happen, what if at the end of this year it isn't the end of chemo for my little boy. All of those regular thoughts I usually have :( And then I remembered our adversities always help us grow. And I had to get clear with myself and ask myself if taking away her pain was worth her not growing. And it's not. As hard as it is to watch our kids go through things God uses it all for His good. We have to allow ourselves those moments of going crazy, and screaming to God that we can't handle it. Then when those moments of insanity pass and we are able to breathe again we see the value in allowing our kids to walk through their own trails. Hearing this young women talk was incredible. She handled things so well and I truly believe God settled a peace on her!! And that was exciting to see!! She will learn so much with that!!
And so this morning when things were a little difficult and I couldn't help Zayne feel comfortable I had to remember that even when I can't, God is there. And Z is learning. Learning about himself. Learning about Mom! He learned that Mom is going to try her hardest to comfort him and show him love and he also learned that he is a little stronger for going through today!
After we got home he decided to help dad work on the deck (in his own attire)...and life was good again. There is something to be learned in every situation we are uncomfortable in. It's trusting in Gods peace to be able to breathe and see what it is!
As usual I was texted Gina today and I want to leave you with her simple words that meant the world to me!
"Try to concentrate on the positive in all your situations today...the girl in the car crash survived..she learned life is fragile and will be a better person for that experience...Z is going to have great results and maybe even get a new time line for treatments! You Got this! Cry if you need too, let the stress out and take a deep breath and start kicking ass!!!"