Before I even knew it... by Jamie Lightner

I remember when Josh was a baby, an older gentleman at church nodded his head at me as he passed by and said, “Enjoy him, they grow up before you know it.”  At that time I was still up every two hours throughout the night, I hadn’t had a moment to myself for more that 10 minutes in 6 weeks, and I was sure it would be pretty much forever before he slept through the night and quit eating EVERY TWO HOURS, let alone ever be potty trained or feed himself.  And since that was going to take forever, yeah, that didn’t leave much time for growing up. 

And then one day I looked up and there he was playing at his band concert his Freshman year of high school.  What!?  When did that happen?  Was that old guy right! Did he grow up before I knew it.  At the end of that performance the band director honored all the seniors, as it was their last performance of their high school career.  Ahhhhhh.  Not only was he a freshman, the year was coming to an end.  Wait!  That means in 3 years, the band director will be honoring him.  Three years!  That isn’t long at all, after all he has been with me for 15 and it seems like just a second, surely 3 years would seem even faster.  For the first time in my motherhood career, raising four kids, I began to feel time slipping away.  Up until now I really never mourned as we entered the next phase of life.   I welcomed crawling, walking and feeding themselves.   I welcomed potty trained (thankful it didn’t really take forever).  I welcomed school age, little league, oh how I LOVED little league.  I loved watching them grow into new adventures.  It was fun watching them take on and experience life…until today.  I just really didn’t think it would happen.  I knew they would keep growing, but to actually grow up…I mean, who does that.  Lol

So for the first time I am tempted to mourn.  I am tempted to wish I had more time.  I am tempted to start cramming everything I wish I woulda taught him by now down his throat.  I am sure I shoulda taught him more.   I mean yeah, I am glad we mastered the whole “look both ways before you cross the street” and “always brush your teeth and wear deodorant.” Sure, I taught him chase his dreams and that he could do anything he wanted.  But have I given him enough to withstand the pressures of the world. Have I taught him enough about being a gentleman, but not a doormat.  Yes, I taught him 2+2 = 4, but did I teach him that when gives he will receive.  Yes, I taught him how to love, but have I given him what he needs to survive a heart break.  I have taught him a lot.  But is it enough!  Yes, I am tempted…but I must believe I gave him everything I was indented to give him.   Yeah, you can bet I will be throwing a few crash courses in life over the next three years.  But I have to believe I have taught him what I know, and as he takes on life he will learn more than I coulda ever taught him.