I find it interesting that the greatest human need is to be valued and we are constantly looking outside ourselves to others for that value. My question is why do we value someone else’s opinion more than our own. Are they not just as human as we are? What makes their opinion worth more in our own eyes? Just the other day I had an opportunity to go watch the shuttle launch an hour away from the site. I had gotten up at 4:00 am the first night and the mission was postponed a night due to cloud cover. The next night however, I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of bed at 4:00 am for the second time. My husband, daughter and Dad made it. And I was so disappointed I didn’t muster up the will power to do so myself. I can understand my disappointment, it is perfectly natural, what perplexed me was how I began looking for other people to tell me something to make me feel better. I realized this after my husband made the comment, “your body feels better now because you didn’t” You see not only would I be getting up at 4am after going to bed at 1am, but I was expected to check out of my hotel with breakfast reservations at 8:30. Not to mention we had been up till 12 am all week running all over the Disney amusement parks, I had a sore throat and my youngest was coughing all week. So all these factors were on my mind when lying there in bed, essentially choosing sleep over the shuttle. And when my husband validated these feelings I felt somewhat of a reprieve. I mean sure it is disappointing that I missed the shuttle. If I could go back would I do it differently, maybe so, but why couldn’t I let it go NOW. Why were my husband’s words something I depended on to make me feel better? I took a moment to reflect on my patter in life. Yes, very often I look to others to make me ok. There are certain people in my life whose opinion can totally rock my world if they differ or don’t accept mine.
As I pondered that it came to me…seriously, if my opinion of me and the choices I make is what matters most to me then how much happier will I be. And if I can resolve myself to accept the choices I make as the choices I was supposed to make for that day learning from each step, how much happier and at peace would I be. Cause if the main goal is to enjoy life as much as I can. How much more would I enjoy life if I chose to see it as perfect? The only thing that held me in such turmoil was my view that I missed out. When in fact, if I can look at the big picture believing that my peace of mind is worth more than a shuttle launch, then I choose peace. Don’t get me wrong a shuttle launch is pretty dang cool, and it is on my list to do in my life time, but the point is if I spend the next year disappointed and thinking about what a loser I am for sleeping that day, what prey tell is the point. And I, me, just me, can give myself that peace. If I am looking for someone else to give me my peace of mind I am going to spend a lot of time missing out on my life willing my peace of mind, to someone else.
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