Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Twas the night before Christmas and Zayne got a fever...The sister's perspective of that night., by Jamie Lightner
“Zayne has a fever and Jess is taking him to the Emergency Room” I read these words across my phone screen just after I insisted my brother-in-law Tim(Michael’s sisters husband) make us some coffee! It was Christmas Eve and I was hangin with Mike’s family. We were playing games, eating and of course drinking coffee like we always do. Moments later my Mom called me. Turns out Jake and Ayden were sick with a fever, and now little Zayne caught it too. But when you have a kid on chemo the protocol is if he gets a fever up to 101.5 you take him in to get antibiotics in the port and draw blood through the arm. Seeing that Jake was sick I was gonna ride into the hospital with Jess. I quickly said goodbye to my in-laws and Tim got me a to go cup of coffee. Lol He’s so sweet! I gave my hubby a big hug hoping to soak up some of his strength on the way out the door. I was not looking forward to Christmas Eve in the ER, especially for this. Just the day before I had gone with Jess to Devos for Zaynes chemo treatment. It was my first time going with her. Zayne did really good that day. He watched them put the disinfectant on his chest and then screamed his “Nooooooo!” in protest when the needle went in, but then he was back to himself, playing with his “poke” prize. Jess informed me I got to come on a good day. And now here I was the next day picking up Jess and Zayne, and off to the ER we went. About half way there Jess jumped in the back to put the numbing crème on Zaynes port site. It was then that Zayne started saying, in the saddest toddler voice I have ever heard “I don’t want to get a poke mommy. No, I don’t want to.” “I know baby.” Jess would say in her soft yet trying to be strong mom voice. “But we have to so you can get better.” I was determined to shove the tears I could feel trying to come to my eyes back to where ever they came from. I put my game face on before I left Lightner’s and I would keep it there until I got home. After we got there we were put into a room right away. I guess that is the perk of needing a needle stabbed in your chest,(that’s what I call it when they access the port. Well, that’s what it looks like anyway. “Accessing the port” is the “decorative” way of saying it.) anywayk, you don’t have to wait in the waiting room. After the doctors exam they brought the guy who would be “accessing the port.” By this time it was evident Zayne was not interested in doctors today. He even protested when they looked in his ears, which is not usual for him. So we were going to have to hold him down. This wasn’t my first time holding a kid down for some sort of procedure. I am a mother of four, I have had my share “sit on the kid” moments. But this one just seemed heart wrenching to me. Zayne knew what was happening. This wasn’t like unexpected stitches or and epinephrine shot in the leg, this was something he had endured on a weekly basis for the last couple months. And as I held his arm and the left side of his abdomen my heart just broke hearing him cry out in desperation and pleading “No! No, I don’t want a poke. Stop. Mommy. Mommy. Nooooo.” In that moment all I could do was bring up my arguments to God. Why? Why did Zayne have to go through this? What do others have to experience diseases that are even worse? Just watching this 3 year old suffer the way he did, brought me to my knees in pleading. After the port was accessed Zayne curled up in his mommy’s lap where he felt safe. My sister’s post last night filled you in on the rest of the night so I won’t repeat the rest of the story, because frankly I am outta Kleenex. But afterward Zayner was all wrapped up in my sister’s arms sleeping as they both sat in the hospital bed, and I could see Jess fighting the fight. With tears streaming down my her face, her emotions were tattered and her strength had taken a beating tonight, but she still had her boxing gloves on. As for me, it was 3AM when I finally returned home from the whole night. My hubby was still up. I walked in complaining about various dumb stuff that happened that night. He was just quiet, he knew it was only a matter of minuets before my game face fell to the floor and I would crumble. And when I did his arms were around me. I purged the stress of the night through tears and then I went to bed. My mom would be going up with Jess the next day for the “2nd shift”. And I prayed hard that his fever would subside so we didn’t have to go back in for a 3rd.