Hello All!!! I have had some time to write and thought i would share this one! This will go in book 2 but I couldn't help but post it! My sister is amazing and I would not be sane without her amazing support!!
After finding out about the tumor my sister stepped into a roll of dropping anything…for me. And I was beyond thankful. I would call her up and say “I’m losing it.” And she would say “I’m on my way.” She started making plans for us. Whether it was going out to Barnes and Noble, sitting at the cottage, or riding the boat. She took it upon herself to help me still take steps in enjoying life and simply getting through this news to where I was strong enough to breathe on my own again. I remember one time in particular, I had called her over to go for a run with me. Jake had taken the boys with him to work on the boat so I was kid free. After we were worn out we sat on my patio soaking up the sun. Our conversation was short. Usually nothing deep and if it was it was about the tumor. Usually me asking her questions. How do I do this? How did this happen? Why now? Why him? Sometimes our conversations would go like this. “Let’s just leave Jame. Let’s pack up our little families and go south. Let’s live in South Carolina.” I would say while letting the breeze cool me off. “Yea that sounds good. Live on the water. Listen to the waves. Take our coffee down to the beach. Watch the kids play all day.” She would always back me in the moment I would have. “Or we could do California. They don’t even get up until 10am over there. Nothing opens up till noon. Our hubby’s could build houses and we could shop in Laguna Beach. Go on double dates to restaurant’s overlooking the ocean. That sounds pretty good.” “Yea…that sounds nice too.” She would say without opening her eyes, sitting comfortably in my patio chair.
Later that day we were gonna meet the boys out at the cottage for dinner. My dads wife Chris was making dinner. Jamie left my house to go get her boating gear. I remember wandering through my house as if I was in a strange place. I poked my head into my boys room. Winnie the pooh covered one wall and spiderman covered the other. What would life be like? Would he be sick? Would he lose all those beautiful curls? Would I get alone time with Ayden anymore? Would we be good parents to both of them in times like this? Would we be good spouses to each other? I sat down on Zayne’s bed and picked up his Winnie the Pooh my mother in law gave him a couple years ago. I remember him snuggling that little bear on the way home from lake Michigan. He was just a fat baby then. He would laugh at everything. So happy. Content. I began to cry and immediately put the bear on the bed and left their room. I had to distract myself. I was so tired from thinking. I just wanted my head to shut down. I went into my room and began packing my boat clothes. As I was packing my brain began running again. I couldn’t handle it. I went downstairs, put some music on and began making a dessert for the evening at the cottage. I grabbed my running shoes and threw everything in the car. I hated driving. Just an open window for my mind to run to places I, once again, didn’t want to go. By the time I got to the cottage I was ready for another run just to clear my head. I didn’t know if Jamie would want to come with me seeing how we just ran that morning. I walked into the cottage with my tennis shoes on and emotion obviously all over my face. Chris had put out some chips and dip and Jamie had just dipped a chip when she turned to look at me. I stood in the doorway and didn’t say anything. She held her chip to her open mouth as she looked at my face, then down at my feet. She put the chip back on her plate and said “Let me just grab my shoes.” Of course she would run with me again. Because she is my person. She knew I needed her and she wasn’t about to say no, even if our legs were still jelly from that morning or our muscles were screaming at us. She was gonna go with me because you don’t leave your person alone with her mind. You do whatever it takes to feel normal again. And that day it was going for a run. We finished our run and slowly made our way back to the cottage. We took in the beautiful scenery. The water, the grass, the houses. Just quite. Not much to say. It was what it was. And knowing she was behind was enough for that moment.