“Mom?” I looked in my rear view mirror at my blonde haired
little boy. “Yeah Baby?” “Why do we always go to my doctor?” I stared ahead at the familiar highway. It was a beautiful drive. Green on both sides for most of the way to
Grand Rapids. But week after week a 90
min. drive took it’s toll. “So we can
fix the yuckies in your head! We don’t
like having headaches and this is how we keep them away.” He seemed to ponder my response. His almost transparent eyebrows squished
together above his nose. His mouth
opened slightly. I took in his
features. So sweet. He had grown so much through this whole
process. His strength amazed me. I didn’t blame him for getting upset. In fact
I don’t blame him for much of anything anymore.
When he gets emotional…I get it. When
he is pissed at the world…I get it. I
looked back to the highway and thought of how far all of us have come. My husband and I learned and are learning more
about each other than we ever thought possible.
My relationship with both my boys has transformed. We still have the usual problems…bad
attitudes…fighting…talking rude…ya know but I feel I am more in tune with my
kids. I can feel myself wanting to
understand why they think the way they do.
Why does Zayne get mad when he gets hurt? Why is Ayden so afraid to make a
mistake? And I find myself establishing
a relationship that will take on bonds that won’t be broken. I want to be a safe place for my kids. A place they don’t have to be perfect…and
they can cry if they feel like it. They
can get pissed if they want. I’m not
talking about disrespect…I’m talking about my 3 year old and my 5 year old
being able to explore their emotions the only way they know how. I looked back at Zayne. He was staring out the window with an expression
of contentment.
A little later I found myself walking to the nurses station
to let them know he was getting red and blotchy again. 3 of them followed me back to our seat. One shut the chemo off right away while the
other quickly checked for hives on his body.
And the third was already grabbing the doctor. Within seconds the doctor was hovering over
my son. I felt safe. My boy was so well watched and so blessed
with such a great nursing staff and doctors.
The doctor told the nurses to keep the drip off till his cheeks went to
normal color. 35 min. later we were
starting chemo again. And now we had an
hour and a half to go. Zayne was beyond
over it. They woke him up by checking
his body (which I’m not complaining) so he had over 2 hours to wait L He felt so tired from the Benadryl but his
body wouldn’t go back to sleep. Needless
to say he was not his happy self. However
after chemo was done and we were walking out of the hospital as the last ones
to leave there was a sense of peace that covered me. The doctor said if the reactions turn to
hives they will start giving him a steroid.
I panicked for a moment and then remembered what amazing doctors they are
and that God had led us here…to this hospital.
We are good. We are taken care
of. I drove home utterly exhausted but
knew God was talking to me.
I know this one is hard to read and follow…when my head
clears I promise to catch everyone up a little better :/
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