Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Mom down, we have a mom down!

I am going to go ahead and say this will probably be the best story ever written on this blog :) BWAHAHAHAH!!!!

Oh yes it's happened once again. It is me, Jessica, and I have hijacked my sister's blog, only this time the story’s main character isn't Josh, Kate, Timmy, Bo, Ayden, or Zayne. It's Jamie!!
The day starts like this…

I called Jamie this morning to see if she wanted to keep me company while I did some grocery shopping. She had some shopping to do herself, so she agreed. I ended up making some cinnamon muffins and brought a couple to keep the kids happy in the car. We hit Meijer, took some stuff back to Sears, dropped off some Goodwill and we were on our way to Sams. Anywhere Jamie and I go we tend to make a scene. So here we are walking in with the kid on Red Bull(Bo) and his little prototype(Ayden) following, while I carry cranky pork-ums(Zayne) hoping for a bath later to take care of the back ache from hauling him around. We are a sight through the whole store. Ayden and Bo didn't want to be separated so all over the warehouse you kept hearing Jamie or I holler at one of them. “Keep up boys”....”Ayden are staying with me or Aunt Mame”....”Bo you need to listen”. Jamie and I finally met up in the freezer section where she told me how much pain she was in from her menstrual cramps. I felt bad for her but was going to finish shopping. She looked back at me and said “I’m not ok...oh my gosh it really hurts.” I opened up a bag of veggie straws I had in my cart and started feeding them to my whiny 18 month old. “What do you want to do?” was my question back to her. She sat down right there in the middle of the isle and turned white as a ghost. Wow, she really wasn't ok. What was I going to do...I had 3 children literally hanging off my arm. A man ended up walking over and asking if she was alright and if she needed anything. “Ugh...Im fine...I just need to sit for a minute.” was her lovely response :) She gets a little grouchy when she is in pain. Don't even get me started on her labor and delivery stories ;) I ended up giving her my keys so she can go lay down in the car.
So here I am with 2 carts full of food and 3 starving kids...one of them being Bo. In my head I tried to finish her list for her knowing she wouldn't want to forget anything. I knew she needed cheese and pizza. As we made our way down the isle, we start passing all the wonderful samples. I have Ayden asking me if we can get one and I am calmly trying to tell him no, that Aunt Mame doesn't feel good and we have to hurry. Out of the blue I hear Bo's voice plow it's way through my conversation and say “SHTWABERRIES!!!!!!”. You would have thought the kid saw Santa Clause. “I WANT SOME SHTWABERRIES!!!!!!!”. I think I had enough of his spit on me to hydrate a small dog, I looked at him bug-eyed wondering how he could be so loud. “No, honey your mommy doesn't feel...” “AUNT CHESHY, I WANT SHUM SHTWABERRIES”. It was as if I wasn't even talking. Pushing one cart and pulling the other, I choo-choo trained myself down to the cheese isle and unfortunately had to pass the lovely strawberries again to get to the pizza. I’m sure you can all hear it. “SHTWABERRIES” he says again as if the whole store didn't hear him the first 2 times. “No Bo.” I thought maybe if I simplified he would understand better. Nope. He kept repeating himself and I decided to ignore him, grab the pizza and run. This lady approached me and said “Are you the sister of the girl...” I didn't hear the last of her sentence because of the pudgy little boy that was in my cart who still was expressing his desire for “shtwaberries!” I nodded my head knowing it had to be Jamie. Then over the loud speaker I heard “Would Jessica the sister of Jamie please come to the Exit”. Oh my gosh, did she get hit by a car on her way out. The lady looked at me and preceded to say “She collapsed...but it's ok she is talking now. Do you want me to stay with the kids while you go check on her?” My first thought was “Holy @#$!....she freakin fainted” What a great sister I am, send her to the car thinking it's menstrual and she freakin fainted
My second thought was “Leave my kids with you...over my DEAD BODY.” Don't get me wrong folks. I believe that there are good people in the world I just wouldn’t use my kids to figure out if this lady was one of them. I felt the beads of sweat start to form on my forehead and in the small of my back. I grabbed all 3 of what felt like now my own kids, hurriedly apologized for the opened bag of veggie straws and simply left my 2 carts full of groceries and headed out to the exit. I grabbed “porky”, held Ayden's hand and had to argue with Bo as to why he had to hold Ayden's other hand. On my way out there I thought, knowing my sister, she will be fine and then she will be bummed I didn't just check out so we didn't head home empty handed. I got out there and she had 4 people standing around her asking her questions. Once I knew she was ok I had to hold back the laughter. She was slumped over on the concrete apparently irritated that they wouldn't leave her alone. I heard one man ask her if she was a diabetic. “NO I am not a Diabetic.” 'Yup time to get her in the car and on our way'. I got to her and let her know I was going to load the kids and pull around to pick her up. She started crying once she saw me and I paused. I knew she just wanted to leave and I could hardly even console her with the 3 chitlins I had to take care of. One lady offered to hold Zayne and I politely declined. Another man piped up and said “Ok an ambulance is on the way.” Jamie almost lost it. “WELL CALL THEM AND TELL THEM TO TURN AROUND, I AM NOT PAYING THAT BILL”. She kept hollering something at them while a man pulled me aside. “This isn't right, you don't collapse on a concrete, walkway and say you're fine.” “I know, I'll get her in the car and we'll head to the hospital.” I said this knowing it would put everyone at ease and we could easily bow out. Don't get me wrong she does need to get it checked out but she would rather set up an appointment with her personal doctor. I corralled all the kids, got them loaded and buckled, all while answering 3 of Bo's questions. Then I realize I gave Jamie the keys earlier in the store and she still had them. I kept my eye on the car while I ran up to her and grabbed them. I ran back and pulled the car up just in enough time to see the paramedic taking her blood pressure. Oh boy, I didn't want anyone poking the bear. I quickly jumped out and said “Ok, I got the car, lets get you loaded!” The paramedic said, “I will let you go with your sister as long as you're going to the hospital.” I started to shake my head in “Fake” agreeance and then heard my sister say “HECK NO... I'm not going to the hospital, this is just GIRL problems...I'm going home to pop 6 ibuprofen and lay down with a hot water bottle on my stomach.” Obviously Jamie had never been through this situation before, however I had. So I quietly, without letting Jamie see me, said to the medic, “Yea we'll get her in” with a reassuring nod. We finally got her loaded and we drove across the street to the K-Mart. I ran in, grabbed the pain relievers and a bottle of water. She took a couple and by the time we got home she was her cheery little self again.

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