Here is another little story of a moment I am certainly soaking up. I am noticing that after over 4 years of using value based parenting, my kids are coming to the age where I am staring to see the fruit bloom. Ya see, value based parenting isn’t simply about getting a child’s behavior under “control.” It is about instilling healthy, strong guiding principles in them, to help them make wise choices on their own. It is about teaching them to think for themselves and to make choices for themselves that they will benefit from the rest of their lives.
Well, Josh made a comment to Kate the other day that I LOVED hearing. Kate had a consequence of teaching the family a lesson. This is a consequence we use often, the kids have to write up a lesson concerning their recent behavior and teach it to the family. Well Kate had to teach why it was important to go to school and was struggling a bit. I told her to ask Josh for some help. I like to encourage them to help each other. Josh read her lesson and said,
“Well Kate, ya know how mom is always talking about “Fear Motivators” and “Love Motivators.” It seems like you have a lot of “Fear Motivators” to go to school. You may want to think of some “Love Motivators.” That is my idea.”
Wow, I was amazed. Just to briefly explain, with value-based parenting we teach that love is a better long-term motivator. Using fear as a motivator isn’t effective long term because it breaks down over time. Been when you are motivated by Love, or in other words, motivated by values, since you are motivated by something you believe in, you are more likely to be successful in it.
So naturally I have been working to teach my kids this concept and it was cool for me to see that Josh was not only internalizing it, but also recognizing it in the situation at hand. Yay!!!!