Thursday, October 4, 2012

She's the man

Michael has been putting in a lot of hours at work lately, and by lately I mean for months. There have been some big projects going on that have needed extra attention. And because of him being so tied up I now have a blog for you. ‘Cause as most of you may know, when I attempt projects without my logical husband, ya just never know what your gonna get. As a prelude to my story I would like to talk about our roles as parents and spouses. As a mom and wife I have had the role as Taxi driver, nurse, cook, housekeeper, and, oh yes, what my husband likes to call me… “The fun police.” However I prefer the term, “Respected keeper of the law.” Lol My husbands roles have been toy fixer, grounds keeper, toilet unclogger, and oh yes, he refers to himself as the “pack mule.” He once said to me, “Babe, I think you only keep me around just to be your pack mule.” I of course responded with, “No honey, I need you for more than heavy lifting…someone has gotta unclog the toilets!!!” Anyway, getting more on track with my blog subject, one of Mikes roles is handy man- builder guy. And I needed some shelves in the utility room. We have an unfinished utility room in the basement. AKA- room to put stuff you don’t know what to do with in. We have been talking about putting up some drywall with shelves and tossing the little free standing shelves we have now, hoping to use more of our vertical space. But with Mike working long days for at least 6 months now I decided to get all empowered and do it myself. This summer I put in a garden and had to collect my own cement blocks and build my parameter, and I had to use our tractor to get the dirt out of the front loader we had in it, so now I think I can do anything!!! So I grabbed the truck keys and as I walked by Mikes truck bed and gave it a good look, I thought “hmmmmm, I am not very good at judging space and its capacity, but mikes bed looked shorter than 8 feet to me.” So I did what any smart girl would do and I called my dad. My dad: “Hello” Me: “Is your truck bed the same size as Michael’s?” My dad: “What!?” Me: Is your truck bed the same size as Michael’s?” I said still offering no reason for such a random question. My dad: “yes” Me: “could you pick up 8 foot dry wall in the back of yours?” My dad: “Yes” he said hesitantly with a twinge of concern about what I might be up to. 'Cause when it comes to these “hey I could do that myself projects” I am my fathers child. Ya see, my mom was the “thought out” one in the relationship. Back in the day my Dad could fearlessly dive into something with little research on the project, he was more of a “learn by experience” kind of guy, while my mom was asking “hey did you think of this?” I can still see the look on my Dad’s face on the times she brought up valid points. And for anyone who knows the “Metts 'uh oh' expression” you know what I’m talking about. It’s scrunched eyebrows, with lips pursed and pushed to the side, followed my an uh-oh. My dad is a more thought out man now, but sometimes I tend to operate the way he used to. Anyway, back to the conversation My dad: “What are you up to?” Me: Well, Michael is working too much, so I am going to hang my own drywall.” My dad: “Good luck” he said with a laugh, I’m sure seeing himself come through his daughter. I walked into Lowes hoping I would look like I knew what I was doing, that idea faded as soon as the first guy said, “Can I help you?” I then had to put my brain and my plan into words. “I need 8 foot drywall.” I said so proud of myself, for one sentence I was looking quite professional. And then he asked, “How many sheets?” “I need 2” I said “They come in a 2 pack.” He said “Oh then I need 1.....well I need 2 sheets, so...... I need one pack of two.” I fumbled over my words. A slight grin came to his face, and for a moment I think he wished someone else had asked me if they could help me. “Ok, do you need anything else?” he said politely And then I said, “ok and I need…..” My voice trailed off when I realized I did not know the name of the item, I only knew what it looked like and what I needed it to do. So relinquishing any last threads of hope that I would look as though I knew what I was doing I said, “I need a metal thing that looks like this”….(I draw and upside down L in the air)…. “And you can put a shelf on it like this”….(and I hold my right hand up, bent back with my palm up and I slap my lift and down on top of it to show how the shelf woule set on it.) Oh the Kodak moment on that workers face. I’m sure he was moments away from asking if he was on candid camera. “Wall bracket.” He responded with a wrinkle in his eyebrow. “Oh yeah, that makes sense, is that what they are called?” I said feeling rather stupid by now. “Yes.’ He said, still wondering how many screws I had loose in my brain. He probably wanted to direct me to the screw isle to remedy the problem. So realizing now, that I looked like a total idiot, and there is no chance for recovery I make a feeble attempt to explain myself. “ok, so I am trying to hang drywall and shelves by myself to my husband will think I am cool.” I said “So you came to Lowes to have someone who knows what they are doing, tell you how to do it.” He said very mater of fact. “yes.” I responded meekishly. “ok, tell me exactly what you are thinking.” He said, seemingly ready to take on the challenge. “So we talked back and forth. He showed my my options and I chose my method based on simple yet still economical. I figured he had the “functional” aspect under control. With my decision made he loaded my drywall and hardware, tying it in the back of my truck for home. ...due to the length of this story, I will have to tell ya the rest in my next post....don't want to talk your ear off, or write you eyes to death..... whatever the saying would be here.

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