Thursday, October 11, 2012

Value my dark side....say what!!!!!!?????

As I have written before, running for me is more than just a form of exercise. It is a physical expression of me overcoming myself. This may sound strange, but I have found there are 2 sides of me. The one side believes I can do anything I put my mind and believes I am good hearted. The other side of me is the side that tears me down, undermines my abilities, only speaks of my weakness and gives me reasons for why I “can’t.” My light side versus my dark side or constructive side versus my destructive side for lack of better terms. Oftentimes I have the urge to “rid” myself of my dark side and work to be a better person, but what I am learning is I NEED my dark side. I know it sounds crazy, but I actually learn from my dark side. I learn from my “weakness” per say by acknowledging it, and accepting it, and then challenging it. I have found over the years that the most important battle isn’t getting rid of my dark side, but keeping it in balance and using it to build my light side. I learned this principle through the TurningLeaf seminars, but I proved it to myself through something as simple as running. Even as a kid I dreaded the long distance run in gym class. I would cry every time I ran it, literally cry. And then about 5 years ago, through the coaxing of Josh, I ran a 3k with him. Granted I wasn’t able to run the entire 3 k, I had to walk and pant to catch my breath. I watched 3rd graders run right by me without even breaking a sweat. But by the end of the race I realized it didn’t kill me. It almost did, but yet it didn’t. I was inspired by a bunch of 3rd graders, including mine. And over the years I continue to challenge myself to “beat” myself. My destructive side says I can’t and so I challenge it, and because I have proved my destructive side wrong before, my constructive side gains more confidence. And I do the same in other venues of my life. When I shy away form things out of fear, I just remember the run I never thought I’d make. And the fact of the matter is, if it weren’t for my dark side to overcome, where would I have learned to take on the impossible. So the challenge is view you “dark side” differently. It is merely the side of you that is run by your fear. It is there to challenge us, and whenever we face a challenge, and move through we gain more confidence, and that seemingly “uncontrollable” fear becomes something we control and use to propel us forward, so we can stand and believe in our light side. With that said there is a poem that hangs on my wall, author unknown…. There is a great battle that rages inside of me. One side is the soaring eagle Everything the eagle stands for is good and true and beautiful and it sores above the clouds, even though it dips down into the valleys, it lays it’s eggs on the mountain tops The other side of me is the howling wolf And the raging howling wolf represents the worst that’s in me He eats upon my downfalls and justifies himself by his presence in the pack Who wins this great battle… The one I feed

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