Thursday, December 5, 2013

Nothing is normal with a kid on Chemo...not even a visit to the dentist-Jessica Warren

He was cradled in my arms and I was hoping it would pass. His headaches seemed to come on strong just when we would leave the house. We were waiting in the lounge of the Dentist for Ayden’s 6 month cleaning. Ayden gets so excited when he has a dentist appointment. I told my sister that morning that I would take Zayne with me. We had previously arranged for her to watch him. It just seemed easier to bring him then drive out of my way to drop him off. And as I held Zayne knowing what was coming, I wish I would have driven the extra 10 miles. I rocked him and hummed in his ear. “Ayden?” the hygienist called. We made our way to the back with Zayne lying on my shoulder. Ayden jumped up into the seat and locked in on the TV overhead. Zayne began to cry and tell me how bad his head hurt. I took him out into the hall to the little treasure chest for a prize. Maybe that would distract him long enough to get us through the cleaning. I told Ayden, who was busy watching cartoons as the hygienist worked away, that we would be back. I put Zayne down in front of all the toys. He wanted nothing to do with them. Back into my arms he went. I pulled his head off my shoulder to take a look at his face. He was white and the look in his eyes told me I had no time. I frantically looked around for a bucket, a trash can, or anything to catch what was coming. I leaned forward in just enough time to have him spew on the floor. We both just sank to the ground. I set him down and began looking for some sort of towel. The secretary came over and asked what she could do. Everything became so blurry. I grabbed the wipes I had with me and began wiping him up. He just wanted to be held. Every time he leaned into me little bits of raisins and bread chunks would rub off on my sweatshirt I was wearing. There was a puddle on the floor and Zayne was covered in puke. The secretary grabbed a scrub jacket and asked me if I wanted to put it on him. I looked at Zayne who was just as much of a zombie as I was. “No…thankyou. He will probably throw a fit if I try and take these gym shorts off of him.” I started to apologize for the mess. "It's not the flu...please don't be worried your gonna get it. He is on Chemo." Hearing the words fall out my mouth for the first time to strangers was weird. Then I started to cry. Here I sat, covered in chunks of my son’s breakfast and all I could think was how many more times was this going to happen. How many more times would he have to throw up. A couple months? The whole year? He only had one dose of chemo so far and the doctors said that everyone reacts differently and only time would tell us how Zayne was going to do. We went back into the room with Ayden and sat down. Ayden looked over at me as best as he could and asked with the hygienist tools still in his mouth, “What’s wrong mom?” My sensitive boy knowing the world wasn’t as it should be. I gave him a weak smile. “Nothing Baby. Are you having fun?” “Uh-huh.” He said still not sure what was going on. *** I had to get Ayden back to school after that. Unfortunately I would have to unload Zayne, who was smelling pretty ripe at this point and walk into the school to sign Ayden in. I ended up calling the secretary, telling her of my day and she kindly told me just to send him in and she would do the rest. Thank God for good people! Sure enough I pulled up to the front of the school and Jackie was outside waiting for us! I got Ayden out, gave him a quick kiss and told him to be brave. I wasn’t sure if he would let her walk him in. He was struggling with school and leaving mom. He looked up at me with a little bit of fear but somewhere deep inside he knew he couldn’t add to the stress of my day. He put his chin up and turned toward the door. Jackie held her arm out and said “We gotcha sweetie!” I called her on my ride home to make sure it all went well. Sure enough she let him stay in the office with her and eat his lunch seeing how his class already went to lunch and “Mom of the year” didn’t feed him in the car. The fact that Jackie took time out of her day to help me out and make my anxious child feel protected was just what I needed that day. Whew!!! Finally something went right. Zayne and I headed home. I unloaded him and walked inside. All too soon my nose became aware that someone had stepped in dog pooh. ‘Seriously’ was all I could think. I checked out shoes…nothing. I followed the smell up my stairs where it got really strong. I rounded the corner into our guest bedroom and saw it. A big, smelly pile of dog $@#!. Yup I said it. Because at this point in my day it was no longer dog pooh…nope…it was definitely dog $@#!. I just shut the door. I didn’t have it in me. I went back downstairs and out to my car all the while Zayne puttering behind me like a lost puppy. I pulled his car-seat out of my car and hauled it inside to wash the stale puke out. I put it on the kitchen floor and sank down beside it. Zayne followed me in and looked at me, then looked at the car-seat. He plopped down right next to me. We both stared at the seat. I was exhausted and he was adorable. We simply sat there. He tapped his little toes together, just waiting with me until I was ready to get up again. Little moments like these make it easier when I can’t do anything else.

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