Thursday, January 9, 2014
We should NOT be allowed in public...Together! - Jamie Lightner & Jessica Warren
Tonight Jamie and I thought we would let you in on what it’s like to hang out with us and the conversation between the two of us Apparently we don’t even need our kids to make a scene! I will be speaking in the Italicized and Jamie is in regular font. Jamie, let’s get outta here! I’m game! K, lets go work on the book and then pick up some groceries. Sounds good! (After working on our book on our way to the store we passed a movie theater) Let’s go to a movie. That would be fun let’s do it. Oh wouldn’t it be great to just sit on our butts and watch a movie! Wow, that sounds so irresistible and fun, could we do that? I don’t know, could we? Michael’s not expecting me home any time soon. I’d have to let Jake know. Ok let’s just drive by and see if there are any movies we want to see. Oh Walter Mitty, would you want to see that? Yeah! It starts in 25 minutes do you want to go? It would be so spontaneous and fun, when was the last time we went to a movie together? Um, it’s been at least 5 years! Oh my gosh….let’s go! (Giggling like school girls we headed into the theater) Ewww. This place seems run down. Yeah it does. “Can I help you?” Said one of the workers Oh yes, we want to see Walter Mitty. Is it good? Like is it chick flick good? We have no kids and want to see a good chick flick! Yeah, we haven’t done this in 5 years, so is it 5 years’ worth good? (The cashier didn’t quite know what to do with us) “Yeah, I liked it.” She said “But it’s not really a typical chick flick. But it’s really good.” What do you think? Well there is nothing else I want to see. Yeah me either. Should we do it? Um yeah, who knows when we will ever do this again? Yeah let’s just live it up!! OK!!!! (Clapping our hands together) (The look on the cashiers face. I wish you all could see it) Oh and we will take a medium popcorn! (All Smiles) Yeah with butter! Real Butter! And can you layer the butter so it’s not just on the top. Yeah I hate that when they forget to do that. Uh-huh that’s so annoying. (Now we were attracting more weird looks. They probably thought it had been 5 years since we had been let out of the loony bin.) We walked over to the popcorn station. Does it need salt? I don’t know…taste it. I did..but you like more salt than I do. Ok then put salt on it. Jamie eyeballed the salt shaker and noticed the rust and some sort of goo on top. DON’T USE THAT! Gross. Let’s just grab some packets. Where are they? This Movie Theater literally had to grab a cup and fill it with salt from the bag. They had no salt packets. We wandered for a moment trying to find theater 5 when we came to a long dark hall that seemed as if it descended to the dungeon. At the end of the decent were 2 swinging doors with dark windows. I mean what kind of torture gadgets did they have in there. It was a little freaky looking, especially since the theater was so run down, it seemed to be moments away from being used in a horror film. We stepped through the doors. Eeewwww. This room hasn’t even been cleaned. It stinks in here (Shoulder to shoulder we ventured forward) Look at the popcorn everywhere. And it stinks in here!. Yeah it does. What is that? Is it spilled pop? Or did someone barf! Oh gosh….It’s barf… No it’s not Jessie…quit overreacting. But what is it? IT IS…IT’S BARF….DON’T BREATHE WE ARE GONNA GET IT!! (Pulling my coat over all ventilated areas of my face.) IT’S NOT BARF…LOOK…here it is…it’s spilt pop. (Rolling eyes) Oh. Yup I see it. (Sheepish grin) Even after seeing the spilt pop I grabbed out my hand sanitizing wipes and began scrubbing my hands and the popcorn bag I held. We shimmied down the cleanest isle and stared at our seats. Bet your glad I brought these wipes now huh? (Smug grin) (Rolling her eyes) Jamie: Ok so I have to give a little back ground on the sanitary wipes. Just 30 minutes earlier Jess and I were in Sam’s. I was down the isle looking at Jess just waiting for her to be done so we could check out. I saw her pick up what looked to be a 20 gallon bottle of sanitizer. Then she put it back and pulled out what looked to be 8 containers of sanitary wipes. She must have felt my eyes staring at her in amusement. I was too far away for her to talk to me so she held both of them up while giving me the nod that said this one or this one as she raised one hand higher than other to get an opinion from me. I just laughed and she rolled her eyes and grabbed the wipes. Well, ya know you have a kid on chemo when the question of the day is… “do I by 50 gallons of sanitizer or 5000 sanitary wipes.” We were the only ones in the theater. We looked for the cleanest seats and scrubbed down the arms and cup holders of the chairs and slowly sat down. You ok? Yeah…are you? Well no but I’m not about to leave…this is gonna be fun! Right? I hope so…what if the movie is horrible. Who cares (talking through a mouth full of popcorn) We have popcorn and no kids! Right! (2 min before show-time the screen was still black.) So it’s 6:28, do you think they forgot about us? I’ll go see. Jessica: Jamie no sooner walked out and my imagination started it’s engine. This feels like something out of a horror film. What if someone is robbing the theater while she is out there? What if someone comes in with machine guns and shoots us on our first night in 5 years at the movies? What would I do? What’s taking her so long? I would run to that exit and call the police. Then I would have to figure out how to save her. What if she is already dead and they are headed back this way? Where am I going to hide? Up there…yeah…. I could hide up there and use that wire to choke them. And when they ask me who I am I will say “Bond…Jessica Bond”. The butterflies in my stomach began their turbo charged lap. I stared at the door WILLING her to return. Come on…come on. That’s it…I’m going out there. Something has to be wrong. Just as I was about to raise out of my seat Jamie came back. Well, I guess it’s actually a 6:45 movie, even though the front window says 6:30 I am glad your back…You wouldn’t believe the thoughts I just had. Did you touch anything? (Whipping out a sanitary wipe and handing it to her) No….(she takes it while rolling her eyes knowing she won’t get popcorn until she does.) I hope this is good. Me too!