Big Z update!!!!--Jessica Warren

My little man is growing up!!!!  He did amazing with his port again today!!  So proud of this boy :)  We had some small issues with not feeling good and crankiness but I cannot blame him there :/
I do want to share with you however some thoughts I have been having...I went to my sisters parenting class and lots of thoughts came screaming into my brain...so here they are :)

I don’t think I am looking at the POWER of failure.  The power of making a mistake.   I sit here and believe if I do it all right I will feel good.  When in reality we wouldn’t know how far we have come without the mistakes.  We wouldn’t advance, improve or become stronger. Adversity and I seem to rub each other the wrong way.  I have always known it is a good thing to embrace but just can’t find myself embracing it.  I actually try to avoid it and all this time I should have been trying to be its friend.  How else is my faith to get stronger?  By not testing it at all?   I don’t think so.  I usually look at trials in my life and tell myself to just get through it…just get to tomorrow.  But the real question is how do I want my tomorrow to look?  If I don’t face what’s in today I won’t want to get to tomorrow.  A friend of mine told me we have to embrace our darkness to see our light.  That never really made sense to me but the more I find myself FIGHTING my darkness the more I see the value in it.  I look at my kids and I WANT them to make mistakes; I want them to become aware of the value of failure.  Everything we are experiencing with Zayne I realize I am on my own journey to peace.  Watching Zayne grit his teeth to that needle was humbling and such a teachable moment not only for him but me.  He had 2 choices.  Fight something that was inevitable or embrace it.  Did it still hurt?  I’m sure…but what he gained in that moment was beyond the pain.  In that moment of pain he gained freedom.  Aside from watching my little boy grow I took a look at my own life.  I have been Zayne…kicking and screaming not wanting to accept what has been given to us.  Telling myself this journey is not meant for me…and the more I press through and focus on embracing and it and being thankful he is getting the treatment that he needs and we are getting the support that we need the more I am able to see all the blessings we are learning throughout this life changing ordeal!!  I know this journey is far from over…the one with Zayne and the one inside my head…however I have felt and seen the results so I know it isn’t all for nothing.  I know there is good to be had.  And I know that in this mess of thoughts lies my peace. Peace is just a thought away!!  It’s just a matter of sifting through the thoughts and figuring out where it is but the more I do it the quicker I will find it each time.