Tuesday, April 22, 2014

"This one's for Zayne!" -Jessica Warren

HE DID AMAZING AGAIN!!!!!  Despite his mom having a rough day this little champ powered through!!!  He really is incredible! God is just using him in so many ways :)  And Ayden as well!!  He has been an amazing big brother :)  I woke up late and was rushing Ayden out the door...I felt impatient...short...and not the way I want to leave my amazing 5 year old.  I was bummed that on the way to school I was feeling guilty that I wouldn't be home to spend time with him...and then I was feeling guilty for not having a positive attitude.  The guilt was following me around like "Grumpy Bear" on Care bears..sometimes I feel like him.  I walk around with my own personal rain cloud :/ However when I got to school I saw Mrs. Smith with her Super Z shirt on and a cup of coffee in her hand :)  It made me smile!  I knew Ayden would be well taken care of...and while I was away he would be having a blast!! Always a great feeling knowing your kids are being cared for and loved even when they are not with you.  As I was talking to Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Dickenson told me about her morning.  She said her second grader told her he had to wear blue or green for earth day today and he would then get a piece of candy.  So while trying to pick out his blue or green shirt he realized it was Tuesday... Aka-Super Z day to many :)  He was struggling as to which cause to support (either would have been noble as far as I'm concerned)  And his mom encouraged him to do whichever he wanted and that there was no wrong answer.  She also told him it was ok to miss 1 Z day.  His response was "Well...if I dress up for earth day I get a piece of candy...but...it's Z day."  She said he had his super Z shirt in his hand and looked at her with his mind made up.  "Well...it's just a piece candy..."  He raised up his Z shirt and said with 100% confidence "This one's for Zayne!"
My heart melted!!  This second grader turned down candy to show his support for little Z :)  What a story!!!!  I walked out of the school feeling uplifted.   Im so thankful for that story...it made me re-connect with the good  :)  As we were riding in today I found myself going down the path of What if's.  Whats gonna happen after we finish the next 6 months?  What happens if it's not small enough?  What if he starts to show no reaction to the chemo?  What if, what if, what if????  I texted Gina and told her I was swirling the drain...her response to me was "Find peace in the fact that Z is going to be awesome...Feed off him...don't feed him with your emotion."  She was essentially telling me if I can't find peace within myself draw off my son's energy and don't allow my rain cloud to cover him.  Great Advice!! I then started to think about this little second grader. I can choose to feed the guilt, the fear...or I can choose to feed my son.  I had to simply make a choice today.  I had to decide this was not the time to let my rain cloud out...if I needed to worry and cry the time for that was later.  In the words of a second grader "This one's for Zayne!!!" 

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