Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Super Z update--Jessica Warren
Well this new chemo has definitely thrown us a couple curve balls this past 2 weeks. As you all heard from my sister last week his counts were at 678 so no chemo was given. This week instead of traveling all the way to GR the doctor allowed us to get his blood drawn locally to make sure his counts were up. So into Hayze Green Beach we went. It helped seeing a fellow Z follower :) One of the wrestlers moms works there and she said "Is this Super Z??" Just hearing that knowing we had a supporter there was in some way comforting :) The poke for the blood draw went fine until she couldn't find the vein :( I found myself encouraging my baby boy to be brave once again. After leaving the hospital I felt a peace!! My in-laws were up from Texas and Zayne was already talking about showing them his new gator when we got home!! Life was good!! I got the phone call from the nurse on the way to pick up ayden from school. "Jessica?" "Yes this is her" "Well I have your counts for Zayne back....looks like it's down to 549. I'm so sorry. I don't know if the doctor will have you draw his blood again tomorrow or not but do not worry about coming into chemo in the morning." I pulled into the school parking lot with a lot rushing through my head. I got out and dialed my sister to give her the news. Once Ayden came out and began telling me how excited he was to go home to see Gram and Pop my day lightened a little. Another week off. Another day with my little man at home feeling good and eating everything. You wouldn't know his counts were so low. He was running around the yard with his big brother having races, playing on his playhouse enjoying a bonfire. I started looking around at my beautiful family!! It was a perfect night and then I allowed this one little thought to sit in a recliner in my brain with a bag of popcorn :/ What if God decides to take a piece of this perfect circle away from you? And in a matter of minuets I had spiraled to losing my little boy. What life would look like without him, how empty my heart would be, how to go on, how to stay sane for Ayden. And before I knew it there was a huge lump in my throat and a whole lotta fear in my head. I texted Kerry who had already been through much worse with her little girl. She reminded me not to get bogged down with those thoughts...she reminded me to live moment to moment. She reminded me that seeing Zayne so untouched by those low counts was God himself reminding me that He had this and that HE holds my whole world in HIS loving hands. It shook me out of the desolate thinking and replaced it with faith. God is working not only in me but in my whole family!! I want to simply breathe in the peace He has for me. I want to know so well that no matter what happens...My baby will be taken care of! Thankyou for all your prayers!! I know I haven't been doing the greatest at keeping everyone informed over these past couple months but I am going to try harder!! God is teaching us all so much about surrender I can't wait to share some of the walk He has taken us on :) Love you all!!! We think about our supporters alot!! And I hope you all know how thankful we are for everything you do!! Seeing people run marathons and sports events in there Super Z shirts is such an honor!! It's hard for Jake and I to describe what it's like!! It's an emotion that is so strong!!! So thankyou to All of you!!!!