Friday, May 27, 2011

My humanity, when will I accept it?

I am writing today with a more serious tone. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for a couple weeks and rather than do my usual, “I’m fine” to you all, I thought I would take a chance and let you in, hoping that what I have found may help someone out there reading. When I say that I have been on an emotional roller coaster, what I mean is, I have been struggling with feeling overwhelmed and emotional and just plain dabbling with “depressed”, but I have nothing really be sad about, so it was bothering me that I was allowing these emotions to affect my life. After some talks with my life coach I began to see where I was putting “expectations” on myself and not allowing myself to be human once again. I will let you in on some of my internal dialogue and you can let me know if you ever feel the same. This is what I, at times, say to myself. “Jamie seriously you forgot to send in lunch money again, get it together, Jane always has her kids spit shined and out the door with lunch money every day, and she certainly wouldn’t forget to send in the fieldtrip slip. Oh my gosh look at your house, you have really got to step it up, if someone saw your bathroom or your kitchen floor right now what would they think, well, I will tell you what they would think, they would think you are disgusting and certainly wouldn’t want to have dinner with you. And why do you teach a parenting class. Just the other day Bo threw a bag of spaghetti noodles at your head, while demanding that you give him spaghetti for breakfast. Seriously, if your kid misbehaves like that you really should find a different career path” So there you have it, a couple minutes in the mind of Jamie Lightner when she is upset with her own “humanness.” This fight with my humanity seems to a common theme for me, and probably for many of you. Fighting with our humanity is what us “humans” seem to do. When you think about it logically it seems ridiculous. I mean you don’t see a dog sitting in the yard trying to be a cat, and a horse isn’t thinking “gee, I really should be a better horse, maybe I should lose weight or get glasses so I look smarter”. Nope they just do what they were meant to do, live and like living! Yet we, as human beings never seem to be enough for ourselves, we are constantly wanting to be what I like to call “super humans.” But when you really think about it, if you spend your whole life unhappy with who you are, what is the point of even being here. If I spend my whole life always guilt loading myself for the parent I am not, seriously what is the point? So after talking with my life coach about my “emotional roller coaster” I came to the conclusion that once again I needed to throw out the expectations of who I thought I should be and just enjoy who I am. And I am the mom that gets the note home that says, “Hey, send in lunch money for your kid.” And I am the mom that has had a bag of spaghetti thrown at her head.” But that is ok, hey it makes for funny stories later, right! I am human and I am going to make mistakes. I am going to make mistakes as a parent, as a wife and even as a life coach. But my goal is to keep learning to accept my mistakes as a part of me and a part of my life, and learn to let go of those crazy expectations. I am going to have sunny days and rainy days. And on those rainy days I would like to just throw my hands in the air, tip my head back and feel it hit my skin, cause that is how I know I am alive! So once again, I challenge you to accept your humanity. Even just for one day. If you just tell yourself it’s ok to be human for one day. Ok to forget a kids lunch or take the a kid to the wrong practice, or forget to bring snack on your snack day. Just give yourself a break for a day, and then maybe you will like it so much you will give yourself two!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

To clean, or not to clean? That is the question.

Once again I find myself looking around my house just wondering if I will accomplish any spring-cleaning. I was scouring the toilet in my bathroom when I looked up in the corners of my walls and noticed a little “Adams Family” theme going on. The cobwebs in the corners were giving it that “haunted house” feel. At least the “science fiction” element of wondering what creature was going to climb out of the toilet was slowly fading as I dumped toilet cleaner into the bowl. So I was glad to get that done. I have noticed however when it comes to the rest of my house, sometimes a little bit of cleaning only makes things worse. Say for instance I get the energy to Windex the front of my refrigerator. Well, sure the fridge looks great, but then my oven looks dirty, and once I clean my oven, I have clean the dishwasher too. Now my appliances look all sparkly which causes me to notice the cupboards with splatters of who knows what, and to be honest, I would probably rather not know. So my job satisfaction has now faded and I begin to scrub the cupboards. While I am down on my hands and knees, I notice the dirt and grime collecting in the corners of my kitchen floor. So my theory is if you leave everything at the same level of dirtiness, then it will be harder to tell how “dirty” it actually is. Where as when you clean something, well, now you have set the bar pretty high. It is like when you haven’t dusted for a while and you get that layer of dust on your furniture, but it’s not like anyone can really tell you how thick it is until someone wipes his or her finger through it to give you a comparison. So, To Clean, or Not To Clean, That is the Question?

Friday, May 20, 2011

Disney vacation Part 2

The rest of the week was truly magical. I know we were in Disney, and it sounds cliché, but it really was magical. Bo was well-behaved 95% of the time and his cute personality charmed the socks off of everyone he talked to. It was fun being together all as a family and the older kids seemed to enjoy watching Bo’s excitement just as much as me and Michael. Rather than writing the long play-by-play version, here are the high lights.

· “Mom down, we have a mom down”
o At the end of the first night we were all walking back from magic kingdom. All 15 of us! I was at the front of the pack and I turned around to tell my dad some of our exciting events with the kids. I was walking back words talking a mile a minute of course, when down I went. Fortunately, I fell into my son Josh and he did a good job of breaking my fall, cause I just went straight back. So there I was looking up at everyone, and my husband helped me to my feet. So that was my debut of the week.

· “The boys fell in love”
o We ate breakfast at the castle in magic kingdom. Kate really likes this ‘cause of course she is into the “princesses.” But I didn’t realize how much Timmy and Bo were into “princesses.” We were all waiting inline for our picture with Cinderella. Once it was out turn Timmy was the first one by her side. He was holding her hand staring up at her with this “puppy love” look on his face. While we were all posing for the picture Bo just kept staring at her too. Then when the photo shoot was over Cinderella kissed Bo on the cheek. He ran over to me in excitement, and jumped into my arms saying, “I wuv Cinderella, mom, I just wuv her.”
o Then while at breakfast, every time a princess would visit out table Bo would just stare at them and hug them, and Timmy kept holding their hand. My 7-year old boy and my 4-year old boy were just smitten. Too funny.

· “Bo Sleeps”
o Five of the six nights we were down there we were all up till at least midnight. When we would get back to the room, Bo walked through the room and said, “I have to go to sleep.” “What! Really, did he just say that.” Yeah, for the first time in 2 ½ years it didn’t’ take a “tranquilizer” to put the kid to bed. We finally wore him out, which until now I really didn’t think was possible.

· “No offense”
o I think one of my favorite moments was when we went to meet Winnie the Pooh. Tigger came to our table and Ayden looked at him and said, “Tigger, where is Pooh?”

· “You want me to stop for what?”
o The kids were all adorable and entertaining but what I wouldn’t give to have seen the cab drivers face when my sis-in-law asked him to stop at
Walgreen’s she could buy a breast pump. Yup, a breast pump. My sister was quiting nursing and didn’t bring hers, she didn’t have room to back it and I think she was hoping that she was to the phase when she didn’t need to worry about it. But after two days, with no baby, she realized “cold turkey” was not going to work. My brother was flying in 3 days after we arrived. So my sister asked them to stop on their way and pick up a hand pump. So there they were, my brother, his wife and their fifteen-year-old son. They were trying to figure out where to stop on the way from the airport and my sis-in-law was very “to the point” about the need. Lol I Love it!!!


Well, that is our trip in a very small nut shell. I would have thought I would have a lot more crazy entertaining stories, considering Bo was coming with us, but I gotta say, I am kinda glad he didn’t give me much blog material! Lol I didn’t even feel the need to pawn him off as another families child. It was a great week and I am grateful for it. And now it seems summer is finally making it’s way to Michigan, so I look forward to the adventures ahead.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Disney vacation Part 1

Another year of “magic” to lock away in my favorite memories box. I have to admit I was a little nervous about taking Bo for the first time! Those of you who are well acquainted with my blog are well acquainted with BO! And no explanation is needed I am sure. However my regular readers may have also noticed that there have been less stories of Bo and his adventures. Well, that is because he is actually getting a bit easier. Now that he is speaking pretty good English and his reasoning skills are actually finally developing, I can look at him and say… ”Bo, I need you to sit there and color until the waitress brings us our food.” And he says “OK” And sometimes he actually does. It is great. So I figured if we could get him through security with out getting a pat down, we might be ok. I also figured “Hey, we are going to Disney World, where there are more kids than adults. I am bound to run into a couple of kids that will make Bo look calm, right? If not, I am sure I could find a few that he would blend in with. And if not I could stand really close to some other family and make it look like he belonged to them.

A couple weeks prior to our trip I was really working hard with Bo and his listening skills, talking with him about our trip coming up and how important it was for him to listen. So the morning of the trip we all piled into Bo’s room to see the look of excitement on his face when he realized today was the day to ride the AIRPLANE. We gently woke him up and said “Bo, what are we going to do today.” As he worked hard to get his swollen sleepy eyes to open, he looked up and in the sweetes,t barely awake voice I ever heard, he said “WISTEN.” (translates to Listen)We all laughed!

Magically enough, Bo looked like a pro in security. Keep in mind we were thinking cheap and we decided to check only 1 suitcase, and pack the rest in the kids in their carryon suitcases. So there we were going through the security line with 4 kids all wearing little activity back packs, each pulling there carryon suit case behind them. Michael and I each had a backpack on our backs and he took Timmy’s hand and I had a firm grip on the tail I had attached to Bo. I have never put a leash on any of my kids before but this year I bought one of those stuffed animal backpacks with a tail, just to be sure we didn’t lose Bo while I was pushing suitcases through security. But all my worrying was for nothing. Bo did exactly what he needed to do and my other kids handled all their gear on their own. Things were too easy! We were still a sight, but hey, we didn’t sound any alarms. We went in with four kids and came out with four kids, and the SAME four kids at that.

Once in his seat Bo just kept asking if we were flying yet. Then as the plane backed away, “Are we flying yet?” And again as we began to taxi to the runway, “Are we flying yet?” And then, the whole time we were picking up speed down the runway, “Are we flying yet, are we flying yet, are we flying yet,” he said with more excitement in his voice each time. Finally, we were airborne and he was beside himself with excitement. He peered out his window watching the seen below get further and further away. Then we headed into a really big cloud and everything was white. “Uh oh. We are stuck.” He said. Michael tried to explain we weren’t stuck, we were just in a cloud. But I was in tears laughing by this point. Our older three were laughing too. We all really enjoyed watching Bo. It warmed my heart to see my whole family really enjoying each other. We were all so excited about this trip.

So the first day of travel was pretty much seamless. I will end my story there for now and finish up in my next post.

I will, however, leave you with this thought…I would strongly encourage you to do things as a family. Weather it be a family vacation, a day at the beach, or a simple evening at the park. Doing things all together, laughing and having fun all together is so good for building those long lasting relationships. :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Lightner girls trip

Oh seriously, I have 3 blogs written, yet my life has been so crazy I keep forgetting to post them. It seems by the time the end of the day arrives I just collapse in my bed. The good news is, I have been telling myself to exercise and eat healthier to boost my energy to handle the craziness of life these days and it seems I am. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off, so that counts for exercise and I have been convincing myself that peanut M&Ms are a good source of protein. But I am finally remembering to post my blogs, so the following is my most recent trip with my sis-in-laws, and my Disney trip will follow, well, hopefully anyway, if I remember to post it. lol

Girls Trip

Every year the “Lightner Girls” take a trip together to get away from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives. Granted I cannot discuss much of our conversations. “What happens on our girls trip stays on our girls trip.” Lord knows we wouldn’t want our husbands and children to her how we talk about them. Lol So I will just briefly discuss the “chain of events.” As many of you know, it seems even the simplest of things, such as going to the grocery store, is at times an adventure for me. So naturally, when planning a trip with five of us girls there is going to be adventure. I figure by calling it an adventure it sound more like we are courageous and full of life like a thrilling movie, rather than admitting we look more like a “Steve Martin” slap stick film.


Well, to give you some background, I guess one of my sis-in-laws had this “connection” to get us into a beautiful Hotel in Charlevoix at a discounted rate. Well, apparently when you are getting a discount, you can be booted from your room if they fill up and someone who is paying full price is next in line. So they moved our reservation to a hotel that was a step down in it’s frills, yet still pretty nice. But that too filled up and we were booted out again. And sent over to a “Motel”. We pulled up and it was a ten-unit “mom and pop” motel. Well, my hopes and dreams of sitting in the hot tub were shattered, but the place was CLEAN, and from past experience on these trips… that is what counts.

Sarah checked in! It took her forever. We soon found out the lady who owned the place wanted to really make her feel like she was home. She took her on a tour of all the mushrooms she picked that day, and introduced her to the pet pooch. Then she showed us to our rooms giving us instructions to only turn the heater “on” and “off”, being sure not to adjust the temperature. Really, first of all the rooms are heated and cooled by a hole in the wall with a box in it, but I can’t adjust the thermostat. Hmmmm. Interesting?!

Then that night I realized they didn’t have hair dryers. I finally quit packing my hairdryer cause even the “Motel 6 has hair dryers. So I decided to shower before bed so my hair could be dry by morning. I turned the water on and went to get my PJs out of my suitcase. By the time I got in the shower the water was luke warm. LUKE WARM!! I DON”T do LUKE WARM showers. So I speed washed and got out. After I was dressed I tried to open the door, yes, key word is “Tried.” My doorknob was stuck and I couldn’t get out. Tonya had to let me out of the bathroom. Of course she figured out what was wrong. Apparently it took a little “finesse” to open the door.

Despite my few minutes stuck in the bathroom the rest of the weekend was fun. It was cold and rainy so we had to be a bit creative for fun. We played a round of mini golf and some arcade games. I am sure we were not the typical arcade crowd, but we had fun.
And then to make it really interesting 4 of us crammed in a Goodwill dressing room, swapping and trying on our findings, with conversation sounding like this…”Oh that’s cute!” “Eeewww do not where that!” “Oh my boobs are too big for this shirt, here you try it on.” “You want me to try on what?” Does this make my butt look big.” “Oh good, those are too small for you, let me try them on.”


All in all another successful girls trip!