Believe what she says.

It is me, Jess. I have once again high-jacked my sisters blog. My sister recently posted "If you believe a word I say", I'm going to title this “Believe what she says”.


I went to this emotional growth seminar only because my sister begged me to go. Never-mind the thinking of how many tables I had to serve to make that kind of money...that I could have used for a shopping spree, or rent, or I don't know anything rather than this dumb seminar she wanted me to attend. The funny part about this was I knew I needed help. Even though I wasn't going to let on to anyone else that I did. I took care of my family through a divorce of my parents, put myself through college, and moved out to Colorado. In my eyes I was doing pretty darn well. I was strong and I knew I was strong. Somewhere I viewed holding it all together as strong. Not being vulnerable was being strong. And strong I was...except for those moments everything got quiet. Those weekends I didn't have to work. Those days I would go up in the mountains and hike. I would sit on a rock at the top, look over Gods beautiful creation, smell the fresh air and feel empty. Hurt. Angry. Confused. I hated to feel it. So what would I do? Hike down the mountain and go to the gym. I would run on the treadmill watching a mindless sitcom until I didn't feel any of those feelings anymore. I would run until I was too tired to think. Then I would lift weights. Crazy what people will do to not feel pain. Some drink. Some smoke dope. Others its more subtle. Some eat. Some take medication thinking they are depressed. Some just get mad. And probably most of us just Avoid. We continue on autopilot. We stay busy and simply tell ourselves we are OK. That was me. I would look at my life and say I should be happy. And that's what I would tell myself. I should be happy. And I would go on making myself be happy. I would live throughout the week to see my boyfriend on the weekends, I would live for the times I had plans, weekends away, weekends going home, concerts, whatever. But when the plans were done and life was calm and quiet again I wasn't happy. I knew in my heart I shouldn't be sad to wake up each morning. So I went to the seminar. And I fought the process left and right on the outside, but on the inside I knew God was working. I felt His arms wrapped around me saying “I'm not letting go. I have big plans for you. You are made in my image. You are chosen. I died so you could live. Now TRULY LIVE.” The fundamental tools I received and the secret boxes I opened up within myself were mind blowing. I found myself wanting it. I found myself KNOWING that freedom was right around the corner. And all I had to do was surrender to the process. It took until day 3 to do that (Mind you its a 3 day seminar) But hey I always was a spit fire and didn't like anyone telling me what to do.

I agree with my sister in saying its not about selling the seminar its about feeling good and simply wanting to let others know they can feel good too

What is your choice?

Well, it is time to tell you what I have been learning these days. Last month I kept finding my self, to be quite frank, down in the dumps. I was allowing my thoughts to tear me down. I was allowing unrealistic expectations to discourage me, and allowing my fear to immobilize me and keep me so busy worrying. After some thinking I realized that at this point in my life it was about a choice. It was about choosing to believe in me and my dreams even if I didn’t feel the “magic.” I realized I was looking for the magic door that said “This way is the RIGHT way.” I was waiting for the music that “Rockey” ran up the stairs to, or that “Rudy” ran out on to that football field to. I was waiting for that magical “Hollywood” “feel good” moment, that moment in the movies when the actor is being courageous and taking a risk that ultimately pays off. The actor is usually defying odds or choosing to believe in themselves when no body else is. But what I realized is there is no music. My Uncle says, “In real life the music comes after the courageous moment.” In the moments before the music plays is when you have to make a choice to believe in you. These moments are usually out of our comfort zone, and there are usually a million voices telling us why we can’t. In these moments there is no inspirational music playing. The only thing playing is our thoughts and that is where we make a choice about what we are going to believe. The moments are when you realize you forgot to send your kid with his lunch and rather than think about what an unorganized parent you are, or think about what everyone else must be thinking of you, in that moment you accept yourself mistakes and all and choose to believe “you are a dang good parent.” It is when you are at work, or home, or even just out with friends that you choose to believe in you, casting aside the fear of what every one else might be thinking. ‘Cause the truth of the matter is, the only thing they are thinking about you, is wondering what you are thinking about them. And when we choose to believe in ourselves in the little everyday moments, then we will start believing in our selves the moments that seem more challenging. As we make the choices to believe in us even though it is uncomfortable and there is no climatic them song, after we make the choice then comes the feeling of empowerment, and that my friend “feels” like music.

It is all Perspective

It’s all about perspective. I heard someone talking about forgiveness and began to reflect on the times in my life when I was not forgiving. When I think back to when I was going through my depression, I think about what I must have seemed like to other people. My lack of participation, my short temper, and how people could feel the massive walls I had built around me to keep people out.
Seeing that I didn’t’ talk about what I was going through, no body had any explanation for why I was so withdrawn. I can imagine the judgments that were formed and the reason I can imagine it, is because I have formed my own judgments of other people when they are withdrawn.
How often to we run into someone who is crabby and make a judgment that they are rude or impolite not knowing that their sister is in the hospital. How often do we yell and flip off the driver who made a mistake and pulled in front of us, as if we have never made that same mistake ourselves. When the situation is reversed, and we are the ones getting flipped off, we are then mad at the person flipping us off and not being very “forgiving” themselves. I find it very ironic how angry and judgmental we are toward others, but when the situation is reversed and we are the one receiving the judgment, then we are offended. We are offended at how quickly people will judge, without understanding the other side of the story. So one day I thought to myself, if when I ran into someone having a bad day, whether it be a relative or stranger, if rather than getting offended I felt empathy. If rather than personalizing their behavior, I instead allowed myself to wonder what pain they were experiencing. It may be a physical situation, a tragedy or it may simply be their own disappointment in themselves causing them to have a negative outlook on life. Either way, I want to feel empathy rather than judgment, and I want to extend them the same grace I would like someone to extend to me when I am down too.

Is sewing a prerequisite for motherhood

Well I sent my oldest son off to Boy Scouts Camp for a whole week. We got a little behind in our preparation, so the day before he left we were working hard to get everything done. I initially planned on showing him how to sew his badges on, and then let him do the annoying job himself. But seeing that we were in a time crunch and being the cool mom I am, there I was, sitting in the middle of his bedroom floor sewing on badges, while he scavengered for enough clothes for the week. Sewing is not really my thing. Most of you regular readers have noticed by now that I am no Martha Stewart in the kitchen, well, I am even worse with the needle and thread. About 7 years ago, I made curtains for some windows in the old house we used to live in. Now before you get too excited and imagine a beautiful fluffy set of window décor, let me put it to ya this way. I went to Wal-Mart, bought two green flat sheets and basically did some cutting, followed by some pinning and then merely sewed 3 straight lines on the sewing machine. Oh but as I began this endeavor I thought for sure I would be the next Martha Stewart. I sat there in my living room pinning down my edges, all the while telling Michael he was going to have to by me my own sewing machine. I believe my words were… “Check me out babe! I am so gonna be the next Martha Stewart. You are going to be so impressed. I am going to make curtains for the whole house.” Well, there were 2 windows in the room I was making curtains for. I finished one set and got half way through the next and my words to Michael were… “Oh my gosh I am NEVER doing this again. This is so annoying. I am totally not patient enough for this job! Whatever you do, don’t by me a sewing machine!” I never did finish those curtains. Shoot, I never sewed on a button after that. And now here I was trying to be a “boy scout mom.” It was frustrating. I would start sewing a patch one way and then change my technique so the badges pretty much look like a person with multiple personalities sewed them on. And then when I sewed the badge on the front of his pocket, I ended up sewing the pocket shut where the badge was. Let’s just hope he doesn’t need that pocket this week. And then I sewed one of his sleeves shut, to be honest, I am not sure how I did that. When I asked him how big his arms were and if it was necessary that he have his sleeve fully opened to function he just stared at me with a look that said “Aren’t moms supposed to know how to sew?” So I reluctantly fixed the sleeve. The last patch I sewed on ended up crooked and I said I was done for the day. I figured he could fix it when he took some sort of sewing during boy scouts. I told him if anyone commented on the sewing job of his shirt, his response could be… “Hey at least I have to arm holes! And….My mom wasn’t a Girl Scout!”

And then to top my “mom of the year” award off, on the way there I realized the kid didn’t pack a pillow. How could I send my boy off to the woods without his cushy pillow! So I dropped him off and raced back home to try and get him his pillow before he left. I actually called my mom and had here meet me half way with one of her pillows to save on time. I did make it and I felt much better knowing that even though he was sleeping on the ground, and he may not be able to use his shirt pockets, and his badges are all a bit crooked, at least he had a pillow. My mom duties were fulfilled. Lol

Camping, I did it.

Camping. I did it. I really did it. It has been years since I went camping. Actually it has been 9 years to be more precise. Lately my idea of camping is going for the day, hanging out with everyone, enjoying the campfire and s’mores, and then heading home to my own bed. But this past camping trip Bo was old enough to know he was missing out, and he really wanted to stay in the tent. So we stayed. And there I was living the blog I wrote last year. (“Camping”) I set up my air my bed in our tent, and as I was working to put the sheets on I thought to myself, “Hmmmmm, where is housekeeping?.” I had to shower with my flip flops on and I thought “Wow, will I ever get my feet clean again?”, I slept with sand in my bed, and yes, I had to take a flashlight to find my way to the bathroom at 4 am. So yeah I roughed it. Well, rough it with an electric blanket and a DVD player. I have to admit, the weekend we went was a bit chili, so I brought my electric blanket. Yup, that first night I climbed into my air bed with my electric blanket all plugged in and heated up, and Bo and I plugged in the travel DVD player and watched “Open Season Three”. Hey, it was a movie about animals in the woods, I figured it was perfect for camping. Lol I must say although I REALLY don’t like having to walk down a “road” to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, it was a good weekend. My in-laws are pretty good at it. They do things like pancakes for breakfast and yummy Hobo dinners with potatoes, hamburger and veggies. They even cooked a stew in a iron pan over the fire, I am sure just like Laura Ingals back in the day. If it was all up to me it would be hot dogs every time. If you couldn’t roast it on a stick and put it on a paper plate, there would be no way I would make it for dinner in the woods.

And of course the kids loved it as they always do, and Bo absolutely loved his first camping trip. He rode his bike back and forth in front of our campsite all day. He even made friends with our neighbor camper. Every time he rode by his site he had to say something to him. But the guy must have liked him, cause one day Bo was at the camp site with Mike and when I returned from the beach Bo was telling me all about his barbequed chicken. Turns out the neighbor saw him riding by one time and offered him a chicken leg. I tell ya, this kid cracks me up. Gotta hand it to him. He sure knows how to make friends. My little four year old getting a chicken leg from a neighbor camper, I just gotta laugh. I do love Bo’s out look on life. He definitely doesn’t see impossibilities and he just knows how to love life. It is funny what you can learn from a four year old.

If you believe a word I say.

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer. I sure am enjoying mine. Summer is my favorite time of year. I do hope you have enjoyed my blog thus far, and if you have I wanted to let know where some of my “philosophy” has come from. Blog such as, “I am human and I bleed”, “My humanity when will I accept it”, "Screw it baby, let the good times roll, "Risk", “I am human, and that’s ok”, "Why not trusts myself”, and "What are you Hanging on to."



If you like what you have read, and if you believe a word I say, I ask you to check out the past blogs, and consider going through the TurningLeaf Seminars. Check out the website www.turningleafwellnesscenter.com, and my website, www.JamieLightner.com.

I was at a rough time in my life, and am so grateful to have found myself at this 3 day seminar that gave me more keys to myself and enjoying my wonderful life than I could possibly imagine. I went through hoping to find a way out of my depression and came out with much more.(My personal testimony is on my website, on the events page)

It took my depression to get me to this seminar, had I not been through the rough times, I would have never thought I needed it. But I found freedoms in the principles I learned in that seminar I wish I had years before I even thought my life would get turned upside down.

One of the principles taught in the seminars is to change the way you see yourself. This is a concept I often refer to in my blogs as accepting our humanity. During the seminar Dean asks this question that I now ask in all my presentations. “If your friend talked to you the way YOU talk to you, How long would you stay friends?”

So I ask you to just take a look and ask yourself. “Would I like to change the way I see myself?” “Would I like to be more patient with myself, and my kids?” “Would I like to wake up in the morning, and look in the mirror and be totally content with who you see looking back at you?” And I will tell you, the way you view yourself is the way your children will learn to view themselves. The way you treat yourself is ultimately how your children will end up treating themselves. So I ask you now, are you passing on what you want to pass on.

I am sorry if I am beginning to sound like an infomercial. I just want to give everyone the same amazing experience I have had. So I challenge you to take an honest look at you and these seminars and let me know if you are interested.

Ok, I will end the infomercial now. But wait if you sign up today you will not only get a new and improved life but we will include a 2nd life absolutely free, and if you sign up in the next 3.5 seconds, we will give you not only a 2nd improved life, but a third absolutely free, and wait.... just kidding. Sorry I couldn't help myself.

Keep enjoying your SUMMER!!!! Gotta love it!

Say Cheese!!

Tip your head to the left. Ok Bo sit down, look this way. Timmy move to the left, nope your other left, ok say cheese, oh not that big of cheese, ok yeah. Now Josh stand behind your Dad, Bo, come back, sit right here, nope over a little more. Kate look this way, ok, everybody say cheese, Bo look at the camera. Look up Bo, nope not that high look down a little bit, right here Bo look at the camera. Bo say “cheese”. “Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese” he finally says with his cheeks pressed practically against his ears and his eyes squinched tightly shut. Yup you guessed it. Family picture day. The last time we did family pictures I think Bo was just over one year old, so we were due. I have a friend who does an AMAZING job! (bobbirattaiphotography.com) So I spent two hours getting everyone showered and hair done and all that fun stuff. Yeah, so much fun it reminded me why I am so good at procrastinating on taking pictures. But somehow we managed to arrive clean and color coordinated. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go with Bo and all. She did individuals of the kids first and Bo was the fourth kid to go and he was adorable smiled on cue, put his hands in the right spot and just hammed it up. Then we moved down the path to another spot and said, “ok Bo do you want to take some more pictures. “No” he said very candidly. And he was a little pill for the rest of the time. A cute little pill, but a pill. But thanks to Bobbi’s patience and skill, we made it through the session. So maybe in another three years I will be ready to do it again. LOL

Oh, to be a care free kid

Oh, to be a Kid. I gotta say, I do admire the carefree attitudes kids have. Yeah, sure they experience those Oscar winning dramatic tantrum moments, but for the most part they are carefree just taking life as it comes, and even quite resilient to disappointing situations. After they accept their Oscar from their tantrum they move on to enjoying their day rather quickly. It is always amusing to me just to sit back at times and watch kids in their element. Today I was playing a softball game. It was crazy hot and I was sweating in places I would rather not mention, and I am sure you are glad I didn’t. Anyway, I came back in from playing the field to find a 5 year old I didn’t even know drinking my water bottle. As thirsty as I was I just looked at the kid and said, “Oh, yeah you can have that now, I am not THAT thirsty.” I barely drink after the kids who share my DNA, let alone a kid I didn’t even know. It was another moment that I just had to laugh at the carefree attitude of kids. They are anything goes and they just don’t have the same hang-ups us adult do. At this point in time I was sitting next to one of my team mates who is quite the “germ-a-phobe.” She and I were both chuckling at this kid drinking a total strangers water. On the way home I kept having flashes in my head of the things I have seen kids do. I have had two nephews now eat dirt by the spoonful and seem to like it, it is crazy what kids will put ketchup on, and not only does Bo thoroughly enjoy eating his boogers, I am quite sure he is willing to share. They just don’t care. And as far as stress, they worry much less about things than we do. They are simply themselves. I don’t recall Bo stressing about left over dinner on his cheeks in front of company, I mean can’t you just hear him saying to himself in the mirror, “Oh my gosh how long have I had that macaroni noodle stuck to my nose, oh how embarrassing.” Nope he would look in the mirror and be excited about his new found snack. He could care less about forgetting to zip his pants up, shoot I don’t think he takes the time to put his pants on half the time. The other day he was in undes and a T-shirt and I had to convince him it was against the law to attend his big brothers little league game in such attire. Just the other night waiting for the fireworks to start in Jackson, he stepped into the 5 foot little space of grass amongst the crowd took a leak. There are kids, including mine, who will talk to anyone, anywhere, about anything. They just crack me up, they really just don’t care. What you see is what you get! Which is actually quite refreshing when you think about it.